Diogee, my old dog, decides to run for Congress

How it was that my dog, Diogee, became a pig!

Copyright by Terry Turner

This story is hard for me to tell. It is complex-like as the actual story is about how my dog, Diogee, come to run for congers. But, of course how I can I tell you that story when you never knowed I had a dog anyhow. That is why I am not sure where to start but I guess this is as good a start as can be got.

As you know some towns are kind political like and filled with traffic traps and goings on that are not quite democrat like. Our little town is like that and in prior times has been knowed to have a murder trail over and a hanging done, a burial finished, and supper served in one day, at least before the gumit wouldn’t allow us to be so quick like. Anyways, here we do what we can and I only mention how quick like justice can be in regard to what happened to me and Diogee. But we were innocent, of course.

Buford's Barbecue and Barbershop
I wisht I had never gone down to Buford's Barbecue and Barbershop for a barbecue sandwich and a hair cut. I never did like the smell of burnt hair so I seldom go down there even though Buford is well knowed for his singed barbecue sandwiches and ribs. But while he was cutting my hair his dish washer, Lamonz, ast him, “What do you want me to do with these turnip scraps?” And Buford sez, “Just throw them out back and Turner's pig will eat them.” Well, I jumped out of my chair and told them I did not have no pig, nor any truck with no pigs and, except for Areta's pigs that are always visiting around, that I seldom even had nothing to do with a pig.

And Buford sez, “Well what is that eating them turnip tops?”And I sez that is my dog, Diogee.; And they all laught at me and said, "That ain't no dog," and went on insulting like. A fellow setting there was reading a hunting magazine and he sez to me look here at this here picture of a a dog knowed as an Irish Setter, and he sez, “Now that is a dog and any fool can see your Diogee don't look like no Irish Setter.”

“Course not,” I sez,. “And, besides, Diogee is from Oklahoma and neither of us has never been to Ireland or even to Arkansas.”

Then another fellow go piped up and he said to me, "That durn dog of yourn is a pig and any way you can tell just by his curled up tail that he is a pig."

Some blood flowed, but it was not violet
Well, I could not have Diogee called a pig. Him being a dog, and all. So I grabbed a hot barbecue sandwich and mashed in his face. It had mustard on it. And Buford he jumped back and grabbed my arm and I swung around and hit smack on his nose. Then unfortunate events followed which caused the air to turn fairly blue and some blood flowed. It was a fair squabble for a time even though it was among friends and not violet like family doings. Nobody got an ear bit off or nothing like that.

When the Sheriff, who was sort of insulting, took me before the Justice Judge. That durn judge, he fined me $10 for public frolic and mayhem and then he said to me that the court declart Diogee was a pig.

Now don't that beat all?

My dog had become a pig, and in just one afternoon.

Here I have had a dog for going on a dozen years and the gumit has declart my dog was a pig. Well I commenced in on him and he said I was a contempt and he was going to lock me up to honor his court and raise the fine which I could not afford on no account. So he said to shut my mouth, which I eventual did, because of the fine and his honor all that. So that is how it come out, all of a sudden, that my dog, Diogee, is a pig.

If I had wanted a durn pig I would have got one from Areta as she is the pig expert instead of the gumit declaring my dog is a pig. At least they did not say he was a horse which would have cost me dreadful more for feed.

I have never trusted the gumit and I believe to that extent I am absolutely right as it seems the gumit cannot tell the difference between hogs and dogs. And anyways that durn Justice never even went outside to look at Diogee. So he ruled against me as you might say from a distance. At least the Sheriff had seen and kicked me and Diogee.

I told Diogee I had no idea how judges could get so much power. He said it was easy and that all you needed to be a powerful judge was an acquaintance with a snake and about a fifty thousand in cash.

Of course, all this happint long after Diogee had developed an interest in my Mother-in-law's grant piano and her solid silver tea service. But these are the things that begun to get Diogee to think about making the run to congers. You know, so he could be right up there with all the other hogs and dogs in Washin DC.

Not the end
This is not the beginning and not the end, but it is how Digoee become a pig.
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