Diogee to be Jailed

or Never get between a drug company and a chemo sale

Copyright, 2009, Terry Turner

First of all please be informed that I do not know what I am writing about. Sometimes I have feelings that have little to do with facts and I have met few facts that had anything to do with feelings. Also, I realize that many of you do not yet know my world famous dog, Diogee, or how he became a pig, but that is your loss and another story.

This story is about how Diogee come to go to jail when he had cancer a while back. You have to admit that cancer is about as unpleasant a subject as you would care to read about, never mind the pain, aggravation, and going to jail and all such might be associated with a person or a dog or a hog for that matter.

Anyway it is pretty simple. I could tell Diogee was not feeling too good. He usually helps me with the mail and all. Generally he will bring in mail left by the United States Post Office and he will throw the first class stuff on my desk and then he generally will trash the rest or use it fluff up his bedding --- he puts a great store by grocery store inserts for his bed but he does not care for things like Office Depot catalogs. Generally he will help me lick stamps and seal envelopes and such. But he was acting too tuckered to do any of that and finally I ast him if he was feeling poorly and whether he wanted to go to Vet.

It took me a two or three weeks to convince him to go. Diogee and the Vet had previously had some run ins at the city council meetings and Diogee really did not want to go see him; after all who would want to go see a Vet that had voted for a twenty million dollar tax bond; but she was the only Vet in the county.

This is a pretty long story, any one can see that, so I am going to shorten it up right here, then it won't be so long. She, the Vet, says Diogee has a sort of not too bad cancer and ought to have Chemotherapy. Diogee says he will think about it. So I took him home and we discussed it a few days.

I told Diogee he probably ought to have chemo but he says to me, he says I remember that doctor was going to take out your sister's kidneys and then she got well by taking choline... a plain old vitamin...hell even an old dog like me knows you have to take choline to help out a sick kidney. What if I just need some juice or vitamins?

I says to him will Diogee, it is your body and I will help you do what you want to do. Well we went back to the Vet and says, "Doc, what else you got, we do not care much for the chemo idea." Well, Doc says, you have to take the chemo or die." I says, well, wait a minute, are you telling me in the whole world its chemo or die. And the Vet says, "Absolutely."

So I says, but Doc, I know, personal like of people who got on Gerson's Therapy for Cancer... it's one of them well knowed and famous like medical doctor treatments and people got well on that and it is mainly about drinking juice and such. Doc, says, "Maybe so, but the only thing for Diogee is chemo."

"But Doc," says I, "Diogee says that all the dogs say that chemo stuff will make you as sick as dog and it has not hardly been improved none at all since it was invented... and a better body burner doesn't exist since its invention as far as I can hear. We'll go think about it."

So we went back to the house and I fixed up some fresh biscuits and gravy and a nice tea, no sugar, for our lunch. And I says, "Diogee, it looks like she thinks you better have chemo."

Diogee, says, well, I could have chemo but I know it will make me as sick as hog for sure. And anyways I was reading that Linus Pauling and that bunch had some great information about Vitamin C therapy and all such like that --- you known he is well knowed among dogs who like science as he won one of the No-Bell prizes. I sure would like to be that smart."

"Well" says I, "We can't be waiting for you to win no No-Bell prize. We have to do something."

So we go back the Vet and the Vet, she says in a nutshell, "There are no alternatives. Take the chemo or die."

So I says to her, "Doc, how many people die from taking Chemo?" And she says why would you ask that and I says because if a hundred people take chemo and 90 of them don't live it don't sound so hot to me and she says if you want to ask questions you better get out of here. Then she floors me when she says, "You get that Diogee in here and on chemo or I will have to report you for a non-chemical user and I will write you up for high blood pressure besides."

Then I says, "Well, I do not like that you are telling Diogee that there are no alternatives. Saying there are no alternatives is like when that doctor telling me I had to have a hemorrhoid operation and that I had no alternative and then my mother-in-law tells me that by taking vitamin B6 I can cure hemorrhoids and then I tell the doctor and he says taking vitamins is not a treatment and then I take the vitamin B6 for a week and get rid of the hemorrhoids. I say vitamins may not be a treatment but then I also say rain is not a fire truck but what do I care if it puts the fire out. And, by the way, I understand a real good hemorrhoid operation runs ten to thirty thousand whereas I guess vitamin B6 is about five dollars --- but of course you do lose the advantage of sharp knives, phone poles, and recovery time and all that. Any way the Doc tells me I am ignorant and I says durn sure am or I would be making a commission selling hemorrhoid operations like you do." Then the fight started; but that was a while ago.

Well that went on a while. When it came to alternatives I mentioned cabbage --- what ever did happen to those studies back in World War II --- no patents, no profits I guess. And I mentioned all the alternative clinics, and I mentioned Gerson again, and I mentioned magnetic clay, fasting, juicing, avoiding things that, in my opinion, are common poisons like high fructose corn syrup (some fools want you to think it is natural), monosodium glutamate, margarine which is just a way of selling hydrogenated oil products; I mentioned bioresonace type resources, and lots of similar stuff but in the end she, the Vet, says chemo or die.

So we went home agin. Diogee was in the house making us a toasted cheese sandwich. Diogee is partial to goat cheese and we both like homemade sourdough bread. Anyways, Diogee was making our lunch and I was rocking on the front porch when whoosh, whoosh-like the Sheriff rolls up to my house in his big airconditioned black and white. "Howdy." he sez, "Howdy." sez I. Then I said, "Sheriff Baumgardener, what can I do for you? We are about to have lunch, would you like a sourdough sandwich?"

And he says, "Don't try to butter me up. I am here to arrest that durn dog of yourn."

Well, my jaw fairly bounced off my belt buckle and I says, "But Sheriff, what has he done now?"

"He ain't done nothing," says the Sheriff, "but he is wanted for chemo treatment."

And I says, "But Sheriff, me and Diogee don't want no chemotreats. We have already told Doc that we are looking to do some alternator stuff like the Gerson medical treatment or something that don't make the dog as sick as hog."

And he sez, "It really don't matter what you want. This is government business, at least it is the business of the government to enforce the will of them that knows better, and that dog has got to be chemoed right now. So, you just surrender him."

"Surrender him?" Says, I, "Surrender him, how can you be asting me to surrender a dog that ain't done nothing, nor something either?"

"Well," says Sheriff Baumgardener, "I don't make the rules. The rules is that dog has got to have chemotreats and if I have to take him to jail to do it that is the way it is going to be. After all I have to enforce the will of the government of the United States of America and the people of this fair state and I am here to protect you with your rights and see that people get chemoed."

And I says, "Well, does your franchise as sheriff say that you get a goodly commission on these chemo treats? I thought I was the tax payers that elected you or am I wrong about that?

"No," he says, smart alecky like, "I am duly elected by the folks hereabouts."

So I says, "Are any folks hereabout telling you to arrest Diogee and stick him full of approved drugs that are going to make him dog sick and that we don't want?"

And he says, "You know the people hereabout don't give a damn with Diogee and his doctor. And you know as well as I do that the Vet turned you in for being a non-chemical user and avoiding the chemo fees and such, and she is demanding that something be done. Hell, she told me the drug company that sells the chemo has signed a citizens petition to the government about this situation with Diogee already; and there is a big complaint about you and Diogee interfering with the interstate marketing of chemicals, drugs, and medicine. As far as I know you may be costing senators and congersmen a lot of donations or at least lunch money."

And I says, "Sheriff, how can a giant corporation like a drug company go around masquerading as an ordinary citizen and signing petitions and such like they are somebody. You know as well as I do that citizen's petition ought to be from folks like you or me, not some giant corporation with more lawyers than employees?" Then he says, "Don't get smart, that is lawyer stuff and you know it." And I says, "Well, I know it is lawyer stuff, they always lead with their laywers and their their boughten and paid-for scientists and experts that have never been beyond sight of the front door of the senate dining room or thier bank.

And I says, "We ain't going to jail to take no chemo shots. My dog and me do not want to do it. That body standing here with my lunch is my dog's body and he has made clear that he does not want no chemicalization of something he does not trust."

Well, quick as wink that durn sheriff put the cuffs on me and on Diogee and before we knowed it we was in jail. It did not disturb me an awful lot. We were in jail before when the gumint declared Diogee a pig (before and after that he was my dog, but that is another story).

Like I said, I better shorten this up, so I will right here. Well I told the Sheriff that I would sue when I got out of jail and he says he won't do no good and I says a dog's body is his own and he says to me, smart aleck like, you need to grow up and, I quote, "You just think you own your body, the gumint owns your body and your dog's body and you ought to know better than to get between a cancer victim and chemo sale. Do you realize how much money can be made off chemo? Grow up, Old Son, grow up; you might treat cancer with cabbage juice, but no one can make fistfuls of dollars on cabbage juice. Just quieten down and realize that you are fighting the former almighty dollar"

Well, the short of it is Diogee got chemoed. I hope he will live over it but he is pretty sick at this time. I have taken a third mortgage on the farm, mostly to pay for chemo and to help with my legal bills. My lawyer, who jumped to my defense, says to me, "You are right, this is America and you surely own your own body. We will take it all the way to the Supreme Court where the socialists are if it takes every dime you have." He made me feel real good about it, but still Diogee has been chemotreated and, just like taking vaccines full of horrible preservatives, I am not sure he will ever be well again. But hey! Whats is a little autism, Alzheimer's, or a dysfunctional immune system, and such to a healthy person?

I would say this about chemo. Never get between a drug company and a sale... you are sure likely to come out the loser; unless, of course, you are getting a commission or at least a trip to a big golf course.

But at night, sometimes, when I sleep on the front porch and look up at the stars a winking and blinking and I jist lie there and stare off in the illimitable reaches of space, I wonder to myself, if I did not sell my body, how did it come to be that I do not own my own body nohow?

And, how come I am not the one that gets to decide if I want take chemo or eat cabbage if that is what I want to do with my body? You just ast me that? How come?

Can you just answer that?

Please?

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Hey! If you think its tough reading this stuff, you ought to try writing it.

Diogee, my old dog, decides to run for Congress

How it was that my dog, Diogee, became a pig!

Copyright by Terry Turner

This story is hard for me to tell. It is complex-like as the actual story is about how my dog, Diogee, come to run for congers. But, of course how I can I tell you that story when you never knowed I had a dog anyhow. That is why I am not sure where to start but I guess this is as good a start as can be got.

As you know some towns are kind political like and filled with traffic traps and goings on that are not quite democrat like. Our little town is like that and in prior times has been knowed to have a murder trail over and a hanging done, a burial finished, and supper served in one day, at least before the gumit wouldn’t allow us to be so quick like. Anyways, here we do what we can and I only mention how quick like justice can be in regard to what happened to me and Diogee. But we were innocent, of course.

Buford's Barbecue and Barbershop
I wisht I had never gone down to Buford's Barbecue and Barbershop for a barbecue sandwich and a hair cut. I never did like the smell of burnt hair so I seldom go down there even though Buford is well knowed for his singed barbecue sandwiches and ribs. But while he was cutting my hair his dish washer, Lamonz, ast him, “What do you want me to do with these turnip scraps?” And Buford sez, “Just throw them out back and Turner's pig will eat them.” Well, I jumped out of my chair and told them I did not have no pig, nor any truck with no pigs and, except for Areta's pigs that are always visiting around, that I seldom even had nothing to do with a pig.

And Buford sez, “Well what is that eating them turnip tops?”And I sez that is my dog, Diogee.; And they all laught at me and said, "That ain't no dog," and went on insulting like. A fellow setting there was reading a hunting magazine and he sez to me look here at this here picture of a a dog knowed as an Irish Setter, and he sez, “Now that is a dog and any fool can see your Diogee don't look like no Irish Setter.”

“Course not,” I sez,. “And, besides, Diogee is from Oklahoma and neither of us has never been to Ireland or even to Arkansas.”

Then another fellow go piped up and he said to me, "That durn dog of yourn is a pig and any way you can tell just by his curled up tail that he is a pig."

Some blood flowed, but it was not violet
Well, I could not have Diogee called a pig. Him being a dog, and all. So I grabbed a hot barbecue sandwich and mashed in his face. It had mustard on it. And Buford he jumped back and grabbed my arm and I swung around and hit smack on his nose. Then unfortunate events followed which caused the air to turn fairly blue and some blood flowed. It was a fair squabble for a time even though it was among friends and not violet like family doings. Nobody got an ear bit off or nothing like that.

When the Sheriff, who was sort of insulting, took me before the Justice Judge. That durn judge, he fined me $10 for public frolic and mayhem and then he said to me that the court declart Diogee was a pig.

Now don't that beat all?

My dog had become a pig, and in just one afternoon.

Here I have had a dog for going on a dozen years and the gumit has declart my dog was a pig. Well I commenced in on him and he said I was a contempt and he was going to lock me up to honor his court and raise the fine which I could not afford on no account. So he said to shut my mouth, which I eventual did, because of the fine and his honor all that. So that is how it come out, all of a sudden, that my dog, Diogee, is a pig.

If I had wanted a durn pig I would have got one from Areta as she is the pig expert instead of the gumit declaring my dog is a pig. At least they did not say he was a horse which would have cost me dreadful more for feed.

I have never trusted the gumit and I believe to that extent I am absolutely right as it seems the gumit cannot tell the difference between hogs and dogs. And anyways that durn Justice never even went outside to look at Diogee. So he ruled against me as you might say from a distance. At least the Sheriff had seen and kicked me and Diogee.

I told Diogee I had no idea how judges could get so much power. He said it was easy and that all you needed to be a powerful judge was an acquaintance with a snake and about a fifty thousand in cash.

Of course, all this happint long after Diogee had developed an interest in my Mother-in-law's grant piano and her solid silver tea service. But these are the things that begun to get Diogee to think about making the run to congers. You know, so he could be right up there with all the other hogs and dogs in Washin DC.

Not the end
This is not the beginning and not the end, but it is how Digoee become a pig.
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